FSR -- The Darkest Lord of Modern Times (faithfulreader) wrote,
FSR -- The Darkest Lord of Modern Times
faithfulreader

FSR vs. Minotaur

 

I guess most of my f-list aren’t really interested in my cat or in the things I’m reading or in my life. And I guess I am not completely comfortable with reporting things like ‘I fucked him so hard, he passed out’, though I can guess (yet again) that such things would have been of much more interest. I’ll try to compensate for my unacceptable behaviour in this post. So, yes, amongst other things, this post is about GAY SEX! :)

 

I do believe that my Slasher’s Guide to Gay Sex hasn’t hurt fandom in any way. After all, it wasn’t the first guide and it met vehement opposition. So, thank you, my dear wankers, for making sure that *everyone* read my guide bearing in mind that it’s no more than my most humble opinion.

 

But there is a Minotaur’s guide that seems to be accepted in fandom as though it contains all the *correct* answers. When I made my first post on the topic some people said things like: ‘Why you’re bothering? There’s a Minotaur’s guide. Haven’t you heard of it?’

 

In my opinion, such attitude is slightly unhealthy. Because every single guide that teaches people how to do something reflects no more than its author’s opinion. Fandom in general seems to be oblivious of this fact.

 

In this post I’ll try to show that not everything Minotaur says in his guide is 100% truth.

 

 

GAY SEX AUTHORITIES

Yay to Democracy!

 

Rating: Adult

 

 

 

Quotes from Minotaur’s guide.

 

My commentaries.

 

 

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One thing to be wary of is writing one partner as the "wife". Men, even gay men, are trained to be less emotionally open, less demonstrative. Yes, we do feel, and even occasionally cry, but gay men are every bit as emotionally closeted as their straight counterparts. Think of all the troubles you have in your relationships with men, and then double them. Instead of just one partner being distant, uncommunicative and emotionally stunted, both are.

 

And why should those troubles be doubled? The angst in a relationship (and everywhere else) is created by contrasts. In het relationship, there’s a contrast between emotionally mature wife and her emotionally immature husband. But if the wife is clever, she’ll regard her husband’s case of arrested development as his greatest asset, because it’s the key to husband-management. [1]

 

If both guys in a relationship are emotionally immature, they would have a pretty masculine arrangement:

 

#1: I sucked you off last night. It’s your turn.

#2: *grunts*

 

In time, they would grow used to each other and become more open:

 

#1: I love you!

#2: *cries*

 

But the odds of two such guys entering into a relationship are … close to nil. At least one of the guys should be less in denial and he, in the abstract sense, would play the ‘het wife’. (In a bit hyperbolised, but very funny way, Diary of a Maddened Scientist describes such dynamics. There’re lots of other stories – it’s just the shortest.)

 

I am often criticised for saying things like ‘it’s all wrong’ and not saying what’s right (in my opinion). So…

 

Lots and lots of guys:

 

(a) need to prove their masculinity in every breath they take (inferiority complex),

(b) are quite accomplished at self-deception and being ignorant (stupidity/megalomania),

(c) want to love but are terrified of getting hurt (selfishness/cowardice). [2]

 

Most fascinating literary heroes have all the three in a strongly pronounced form, in which case it’s better to speak of personality disorder. Psychos, in my opinion, are the only type worth reading and writing about. And the best psychos are well accomplished at pretending to be normal – especially to themselves.

 

But in a story you’ll need to balance such bright individuals with more or less normal people. And normal gay men do not need to have major complexes and insecurities, or at least be not in denial of them.

 

I do believe that perfectly rational guys are the least literary type.

 

[1] On average (blatant generalisation)

 

[2] In green I pointed out what *could* be the cause of those symptoms. Please note that I do not equate megalomania to stupidity, or selfishness to cowardice – in fact I did almost the opposite. For example, self-deception could be caused by various things from common stupidity to megalomania. It’s perhaps better to imagine some abstract multidimensional space in which one point stands for ‘stupidity’ and the other for ‘megalomania’ and then connect them. One of the points you’ll meet on the way from ‘stupidity’ to ‘megalomania’ would be ‘arrogance’.

 

Finding a good kisser is *so* important. This is another thing that porn tends to skip over, usually giving us only a few moments of good face sucking before moving on.

 

Well, it’s important for some people and is unimportant for others.

 

For example, I get a desire to kiss a guy when I really like him, which unfortunately doesn’t happen too often. Another example: I once met a guy who was perfectly content with just lying on the bed and kissing. I was participating in hopes that the kissing would eventually escalate into something a bit more intense, but it didn’t. When I asked him whether he had any other plans he said that he was too tired. I gave the guy a second chance. He was again too tired. I hope he found himself a kissing partner.

 

I do believe that kissing is extremely important if you’re writing something erotic. If you’re writing porn, then it’s probably best to skip over the kissing part. Porn is, you know, like this:

 

‘Hello, Nice-Looking Body!’

‘You top or bottom?’

*fuck like bunnies*

 

For all its significance, there's not really much to it. Wrap your lips over your teeth (unless he's into a little pain), and suck. Oh, you can vary the speed and depth, let your tongue play over the head, nibble (very gently), lick it like a lollipop, or open wide and breathe around it, but the basics are simple. Enthusiasm counts for a lot, and paying attention to his responses is important, but the only really crucial factor is that you like dicks.

 

In my opinion, guys learn how to give a good blowjob on others’ mistakes. When someone is giving you a blowjob that *sucks*, you think of the ways in which this particular blowjob could be improved (unless you better solve differential equations), which is learning. (When someone gives you a fantastic blowjob, you usually don’t think too much.)

 

Much has been said on the subject of how to prepare a guy for anal penetration. Many a rant has been raved in response to stories that don't include (in the ranter's view) enough prep action. The "one finger, two fingers, three fingers, dick" has pretty much become de rigeur in slash. Well, kids, it ain't necessarily so.

 

Here, I guess, Minotaur is being polite to the aforementioned ranters. If a person is being polite in voicing their opinions, it of course produces far less wanks/rants, but it allows free interpretation of the said opinions. Which makes voicing opinions in such a form pretty useless.

 

Actually, I think that insisting on too much preparation is rather homophobic – as though anal sex is something *unnatural*. It isn’t. I am tired of repeating that a guy needs a thorough preparation the first several times or after a long break or if the top’s dick is huge. Because in these three cases it could hurt a lot.

 

But after a while, (a) an arsehole gets accustomed to getting fucked and (b) bottom stops being nervous and relaxes. There’s no need to underestimate the profound influence Teh Dick has on the body to which he is applied. Some people, who are particularly good at giving blowjobs, lose their gag reflex, for Merlin’s sake!

 

Someone asked whether I’d heard the expression ‘hurt like buggery’. In return I’d like to ask this person whether she’d heard the expression ‘loose arsehole’. Anyway, I think that one shouldn’t listen to a wanker’s opinion on sex. :)

 

But in a relationship between two men, there are no role models to follow. As gay men, we have grown up to discover that the rules we thought were meant for us no longer apply. So when two men get together, we have nothing to fall back on. We have to make up the rules and roles as we go along. Control passes back and forth between the partners, depending on circumstances and personal inclination.

 

Every person who has a family was brought up to believe in some things. Every person at some point in their life starts questioning those things. As an example let’s take a guy X. He learned two things in his childhood: (a) he should fuck girls and (b) he shouldn’t eat with his hands. X turned 14 and to his horror realised that he’s attracted to guys and not at all attracted to girls. He tried convincing himself that he’s straight and even tried dating girls but it wasn’t working. Then he met B, who grew up on the street. (To make the story more clichéd let’s imagine that both X and B are really hot guys.) X realised that he desperately wanted to fuck B. B of course saw that (he was a prostitute and knew when someone was interested in him). B was also a hormonally crazed teenager and X was really attractive, so B acted quickly. They fucked. And, to make the story worse, they fell in love. B convinced X that everything X learned in his childhood was wrong. And that was how X started eating with his hands and fucking guys. To be continued… *dies* :)

 

Do you know what’s wrong with the story above? Don’t say ‘everything’! It was written in accordance with Minotaur’s guide. He says that ‘rules we thought were meant for us no longer apply’. But Minotaur forgets that if we start perceiving *one* rule as ‘wrong’, it wouldn’t automatically mean that we should perceive all other rules as ‘wrong’ as well. And life, thankfully, consists of millions of little details and not one HUGE question of ‘Whom to fuck??’ There is no need to think that straight and gay relationships are fundamentally different from each other.

 

Another example: most of the religions in the world disapprove of homosexuality. Yet there are lots of gay men who are religious. (This aspect is very well described in Brideshead Revisited.)

 

About role models. If I were straight, I guess I would have liked to live like my parents, but lots of people have no desire to live like their parents. As Oscar Wilde said, ‘Children begin by loving their parents. After a time they judge them. Rarely, if ever, do they forgive them.’

 

Have you seen The Man Without A Face? That kid found himself a role model in Mel Gibson’s character. Was that character his father? No. I am sure that if someone wants to follow a role model, they would find it. Parents and close relatives are not the only role models for children; though, of course it’s far less stressful if there is an easily available role model.

 

Even in relationships in which the power is superficially unequal, such as ones based on dominance/submission or s/m, the bottom has a much greater say in things than might be expected. There is a vast strength in submitting yourself to the control of another. Don't let appearances fool you.

 

For literary purposes, it’s indeed much better to create the contrast between dominance in the relationship and dominance in the bedroom. For example, in the Administration series there is such a contrast and it really looks good. And there are good psychological grounds for it: the partner who needs to dominate is very much dependent on his *need* which leads to some kind of submission. But it’s not 100% correct.

 

If there is an appearance of something, it doesn’t mean that it’s there with the sole purpose of fooling you. Thankfully, not every writer is like our beloved J.K. Rowling. I do believe that one is quite enough. :)

 

However, the most powerful aspect of bondage lies not in the physical affects, but the mental. For men who hold themselves tightly controlled, such as Skinner or Ellison, externalizing the bounds allows internal freedom. When you no longer have to worry about losing control because your body is controlled from outside, you can let go of the self-restraints. You can allow yourself to experience sensation and emotion without constantly monitoring your own reactions. This freedom is a profound change, letting the bound partner release parts of themselves that are normally inaccessible.

 

*falls asleep* What textbook did you use? Beginner’s Guide to Psychology?

 

Why Skinner or Ellison, who hold themselves tightly controlled, would agree to bondage in the first place? First of all, they should *realise* that they have this desire to let go of control. That’s the trickiest part! And in realisation of that desire would they find ‘internal freedom’ – bondage is just an instrument. (I think I should write a guide to BDSM. While I do that you can read stuff on this site.)

 

 

 

And the rest of the guide is in pictures. I can’t comment on them. Though… *shuts up* :)

 

 

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Notes of Importance:

 

No offence to Minotaur is meant. Everyone has the right to believe in whatever they want.

 

I am not very good at explaining things *and* my English sucks. So, it’s perfectly all right if you haven’t understood something. Please, feel free to ask questions.

 

Notes of No Importance:

 

If you’re a wanker, I encourage you to have a good wank.

 

If you’re a gay man and you’re feeling particularly indignant that I dare have an opinion different from yours, please, write your own guide and I’ll personally thank you for it.

 

If you’re unsure about the meaning of the terms I used, Wikipedia is perhaps the last source of information you should use – It’s politically correct to the extent of being useless.

 

 

COMING SOON!

 

Slasher’s Guide to BDSM

 

 

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  • Slasher's Guide to Gay Sex

    When I entered fandom and learned the word slash I was very much surprised that girls were writing it. Lots and lots of it. And for writing…

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  • Slasher's Guide to Gay Sex

    When I entered fandom and learned the word slash I was very much surprised that girls were writing it. Lots and lots of it. And for writing…